


Gay Sex 101

by msgordo (kipplemine)



Series: New Frontiers [2]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Complete, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipplemine/pseuds/msgordo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Previously posted to 852 Prospect. Sequel to 'Stealth Dating'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gay Sex 101

Jim Ellison stared, stunned, at the glossy picture in the book lying on his coffee table, looked at the equally stunned looking man beside him and then back at the picture again. “Forget it, Chief.”

Blair Sandburg nodded his head in firm agreement and flipped the page. “I am _so_ with you there, Jim. I don’t even think my legs could bend that far back and I practise _yoga_.” There was a long silence as the men stared at the new picture that had been revealed and then without so much as a grunt of agreement they both reached in tandem to turn the page firmly once more. This time both pairs of eyes bugged out and identical flushes of colour swept over two rigid faces. “Holy Moly!” Blair blinked and resisted the urge to run for the bathroom and bleach both his disbelieving eyes and his poor, panicking brain. “People do that?”

Jim’s jaw clenched and he said firmly, “Not these people. Next!” The page was once more flipped and he stared down in relief at the familiar position outlined by the two very attractive young men in the photograph. “This doesn’t look so bad.”

Briefly wondering if he should get his Sentinel’s enhanced eyes checked, Blair pointed one finger at a salient point in the photograph and said darkly, “Uh-huh, and when was the last time you put that *there*?”

All the embarrassed colour in Jim’s face drained away and left him a rather unhealthy fish belly white. He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Good point. Okay, next.”

The page was turned with increased trepidation and it took every ounce of the considerable courage that the two men had between them to make themselves look down at the newest picture to be revealed. They both recoiled and Jim yelled loudly, “What the hell _is_ that?”

Blair licked fear dry lips and risked another stomach churning glance at the photo and he whispered faintly, “I think it’s a chicken.”

Jim squeezed his eyes shut. “Is it alive?”

“God I hope not.” Blair’s fervent whisper seemed to echo around the loft as he leaned reluctantly forward and adjusted his glasses for an unwilling closer look. The rush of relief he felt as his eyes finally made sense of the picture made his breath whoosh out of him and his shoulders untense like invisible strings had been cut. “Oh thank the lord; it’s a feather duster.”

“Are you sure?” Jim’s eyes remained closed and he was embarrassed to realise he had snatched up a cushion and was gripping it like a life preserver. “Really?”

“Yeah, man, yeah.” Profoundly relieved himself, Blair bravely reached towards the dreaded book once more and turned the page with a shudder as he sent up a slightly desperate prayer that the next picture he revealed wouldn’t be of a farmyard animal of the four hoofed variety getting busy with the book’s models. “Okay, okay, this we can work with.”

Jim cracked an eye open and took a lightening fast look at the new picture. “We can?” He cranked up the dial on his hearing and was reassured by the slow steadying of Blair’s heart rather than his partner’s words. “You sure?”

“Uh-huh.” Now much calmer, Blair leaned forward to get a closer look and sighed happily. “Oh yeah, man, this will so work for me.”

Jim let go of his cushion and joined Blair in studying the new picture. “Uh, Chief, don’t we already do this?” He stared at the picture of the two men lying side by side and giving each other a hand job and then turned his head to stare at his partner. “In fact that’s the only thing we _do_ do at the moment. Remember? That’s why we looking through this god awful book in the first place, to get some ideas!”

Blair rolled his eyes as Jim’s voice got ever louder and more frustrated and he patiently waited until his new lover had calmer down and his jaw had stopped clenching. “Yes, Jim. I realise that, Jim.” He turned and pinned his partner with frustrated blue eyes. “But when you decided that jumping my ass last Friday was the way forward for us instead of just settling for dinner and a movie, I think that overlooking the rather pertinent fact that neither of us had a clue about what to do with a man in our bed instead of a woman made this fucking book kind of a goddamn necessity!”

Jim winced and turned his hearing back down as Blair’s aggrieved shout rivalled his own and made his poor ears ring and then looked reproachfully at his newly requited love interest. “You weren’t exactly fighting me off, Chief.”

Blair’s expression of extreme irritation and exasperation melted slightly as he looked up into Jim’s face. “Well, duh! It’s a love thing, man.” He leaned into the rigid body at his side and sighed quietly to himself as Jim slipped an arm around his waist and squeezed lightly. “I just didn’t really think about it being a _love_ thing, y’know?”

Jim nodded his head mournfully even as he pressed a consoling kiss to the top of Blair’s head. Unfortunately he knew exactly what Blair meant. It was one thing to lust relentlessly over the rather surprising object of his affections for the past three years but quite another when he was actually faced with the object of his affections and there was some reciprocal lusting being aimed right back at him. 

And the aforementioned object of affection was naked. 

Jim kissed Blair lightly once more and a heavy sigh ruffled the curly head. Who knew that primal instincts didn’t automatically kick in when you were thinking mainly with your lower brain and that the one overriding emotion you seemed to be feeling was a rather hazy embarrassment and a detached assessment that guys looked kinda stupid naked with their pride and joy flapping in the breeze. Jim huffed quietly to himself in amusement. Say what you liked about women, they definitely had it going on in the not-looking-stupid-whilst-naked-department. Everything was just so much _tidier_ on a girl. 

He also had a renewed respect for every woman that he had taken to bed over the years and their ability to keep a straight face at certain intimate moments; god knows he and Blair hadn’t managed it.

“Is this a mistake?” Blair’s voice lowered to a pained whisper and he turned his face to press against Jim’s neck even as the bigger man went utterly rigid at his side. “Should we not have done this? Maybe this is some kind of punishment because we’ve gone against some kind of great Sentinel cosmic code or something and we’re gonna be doomed to spend the rest of our lives just trying to get each other off and thinking these really fucking stupid thoughts at all the wrong moments and forcing ourselves to do all this really _gross_ stuff that we really don’t want to do and…”

Jim couldn’t take it anymore. The pain in Blair’s voice, the excruciating embarrassment of the taunting full-colour photograph on the coffee table and most of all the fear -- the absolute _terror_ \-- that after everything they’d gone through to get to this point they were going to let it all slip away from them without even putting up a pretence at a fight. He closed his eyes and whispered grimly, “Yeah, Chief, this was a mistake. We should never have forced ourselves into this.” He ignored Blair’s gasp of pain and the sudden frantic pounding of his beloved friend’s heart and let his arm slip from the smaller man’s shoulders as he stood up to move away from the couch – only to bend down, snatch the offending book and wing it straight through the open balcony doors and out into the street below.

“ _Jim_!”

Jim ignored Blair’s shocked yell and stabbed an enraged finger after the not so dearly departed book. “That was a mistake. _That_ is not us.”

“ _Hey_!” Both men stared towards the balcony as an annoyed shout echoed up from the street to signal that the book had come to rest. 

Jim’s eyes narrowed as he vaguely registered that he knew the person that the voice belonged to, but he shook it off and reached down to haul Blair to his feet to hiss urgently, “We aren’t being punished, Blair, we’re being rewarded. This is our _reward_ , Chief.” He wrapped one solid arm around Blair’s waist and cupped his other hand around the back of his partner’s curly head. “We’ll get it, I swear we’ll get it, but that stuff doesn’t matter, not really, we’ve got everything we need and…”

Jim frowned and broke off the most important, impassioned speech of his life as his spiking hearing caught the ruffling of pages out on the street and a horrified whisper of “What the _hell_?” from the guy the hated book had landed on. 

Jim paled, swallowed heavily as he realised that he definitely knew the voice and rushed frantically onwards oblivious to Blair’s stunned expression, just hysterically aware that he was now suddenly on a speedily ticking clock. “Jesus, Chief, I love you, okay? I don’t care if we never get past necking and hand jobs or we just sleep side by side in the same bed for the rest of our pathetic lives, just don’t leave, okay? We’ll find a way to make it work, I promise, just don’t give up…”

Blair managed to wriggle one hand up between them and slapped it over Jim’s mouth. “Liar.” He beamed mistily up at Jim’s pale, indignant face and softened his hand to caress rather than to control. “You fucking liar. The _hell_ you’d be happy with hand jobs forever more.” He moved his hand around to grip at the back of Jim’s neck and pull him down for a kiss. “I’m not leaving. I’ll never leave, I love you. You’re right, we’ll work it out together, just like always.” Their lips met tenderly and then Blair spoilt the moment by breaking up in fits of laughter. “I can’t believe you just threw gay porn out our window, man! I mean anyone could find that stuff, you know?”

Jim winced and decided to forgo being pathetically relieved that his tender new relationship was still intact, in favour of panicking madly at the knowledge that not only had someone just found their gay porn, but the worst someone in the entire world _ever_ had found their gay porn. “Yeah, Blair, about that…”

“ELLISON! _SANDBURG_!”

The bellow from the street below had Blair yelping with shock and trying to climb Jim like a tree as the Sentinel closed his eyes in weary resignation and muttered unnecessarily. “Simon’s here.”

Blair stopped trying to climb Jim and instead settled for swaying unsteadily and blinking rapidly as he whispered, “Simon’s here…”

Jim’s lips twitched in fatalistic humour as he murmured lovingly in Blair’s terrified face, “And the head that the book landed on was his, Chief.”

The two men stared into each other’s horrified eyes as one last bellow sounded from the street before Simon entered their building at a dead run. “Is that a goddamned _chicken_?”

*~*~*

 

The End.


End file.
